Searching for Forever by Emily Smith

Author:Emily Smith [Smith, Emily]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781626391871
Publisher: Bold Strokes Books
Published: 2014-08-31T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

I wasn’t sure what new hole I was digging to bury Charlie, or myself, in as I changed out of my scrubs. And, ultimately, I didn’t care. All that mattered that night was the anesthetic effect Charlie had on me. When I was around her, I was numb to everything but her presence and the enormously powerful yearning she left me with. If I was an addict, Charlie was the fix. And that night, I was far too weak to resist, no matter who I had to hurt to get there.

“Where do you want to go?” she asked, leaning against the wall of the lobby in a worn leather jacket and jeans. She was holding a motorcycle helmet and embodying the delinquency and passion I was searching for that evening.

“Anywhere but here.”

“I have an idea. But I’m driving.” Charlie slapped the motorcycle helmet against my chest and smiled mischievously.

Briefly I considered protesting. I was too old to be riding off on some kid’s bike until God knows when. But then I looked at Charlie again, with her oddly feminine machismo and unpolished sense of self, and the numbness took over.

The sun was still out as I slipped on the helmet and climbed on the back of Charlie’s bike.

“Hang on tight,” she teased me, and pulled the throttle a couple of times.

Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her waist, reveling in the feel of worn leather against my hands and a strong back against my chest. “No problem there…” I muttered to myself.

And we took off, out of the Northwood campus and down the main road away from town. Trees zipped by, and orange and red leaves fluttered around us. The air was brisk and stung my eyes with a fantastic pain that only contributed to the growing numbness. It was just me and Charlie, with her weight pressed against mine. I focused only on the way it felt to be close to her again and my undeniable, extraordinary need to kiss her, to lie down with her in some secluded, quiet place where no one could die, or shoot themselves, or ask me for anything.

Charlie steered the bike toward the water and parked it near the inlet. She cut the engine and I climbed off, not wanting to let go of her. With a sort of automated ease, which served to remind me she’d done this before, Charlie stepped off the bike and opened up a storage bag on the side, pulling out a six-pack of beer.

“Do you just keep these with you, in case you get a girl on the back?” I said, pulling off the helmet and resting it on the handlebars.

“I picked them up on my lunch break.”

I took Charlie’s hand as we walked toward the docks. “Hey, I think the boats are still running. Let’s take a ride.” I nudged her like a teenager.

“Yeah? Okay.” She offered me a cordial smile, but her doubt was still palpable.

It crushed me to see her so unsure about me, about us.

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